Change is inevitable. Our environment is constantly changing. Our physicality is constantly changing. From birth to death, we are always growing and evolving physically, cognitively, and spiritually. Even when things appear stable, subtle changes are happening. We have an opportunity before us to use this time to influence and support change toward healing, growth and wholeness. Like the expression, “change is inevitable, growth is optional”, we at RnR Therapy want to encourage growth.
Inner conflict is created when we disown our feelings and identify with automatic patterns of thoughts and behavior to avoid anxiety and negative feelings. In the process of using behaviors and irrational thoughts to tame our anxiety, we lose the opportunity to self-regulate. “When people try not to change, the more we resist natural or necessary changes in self or the environment, the more we’ll change in relation to the changing conditions of the environment” (Yontef, 2005, p. 83). In other words, we need to bring greater awareness to the disturbance and “be with” rather than distract or avoid. Our goal is to support uncertainty. We can do this by not having a commitment to a specific outcome; but instead, being in the moment and trusting the process.
None of us can control the current threat of the Coronavirus and all of us can control how we respond. Often times, I have said to individuals “you are not alone in your suffering” and the extensive research on anxiety, depression, trauma, etc. is good evidence of all the times and ways individuals have similar emotions and responses. This is the basis for best treatment practices; this extensive data is why therapy works. Irvin Yalom (2005) categorized the therapeutic experience into eleven primary factors, universality being one of them. Universality states “there is no human deed or thought that lies fully outside the experience of other people” (Yalom, 2005, p.6). In this current setting we are truly universally all in the same boat. We will get through this together!
The best thing we can do right now to support one another is to stay apart; at least 3-6 feet apart. The best thing you can do to support yourself is to wash your hands often and don’t touch your face. When you feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, reach out to friends, to family, to neighbors, and others. We are all feeling that way. By reaching out to others, you help yourself and you help the other.
When professional services would benefit, RnR Therapy is available by way of telemental health phone and videoconferencing. Unprecedented times call for unprecedented business practices. We have always offered our first appointment at no charge to ascertain goodness of fit. We recognize that mental health services may not be affordable at this time. RnR Therapy’s deepest aspiration is to be supportive for those in need, and as such we are not asking for payment for services with regard to COVID-19 anxieties. We just ask that you call for support!
I close with this poem, Allow, by Danna Faulds:
There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in --
The wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.
Photo by Chris Wormhoudt on Unsplash
Yalom, I. (2005). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy (5th ed.) New York: Basic Books.
Yontef, G. (2005). Gestalt Therapy Theory of Change. In A. Woldt & S. Toman (Eds.). Gestalt Therapy: History, Theory, and Practice (pp 81-100). Thousand Oaks, California: Sage Publications.